Anyone with a passion for writing knows the frustration wrapped up in those two words; in having something to say but no way to express it.
For me, there is a joy in language, in shaping and crafting words to convey something to a reader that draws them in to a new understanding, an experience or revelation that they may not have ever accessed otherwise. So writers block is like a prison of frustration, a wall where I am trapped with fragments of thoughts but no way to connect or communicate them. If I stay in that prison long enough I can start to believe the lie that those fragments are not valuable enough to fight for, that maybe there's a reason I don't have the right words.
A while back I learned a principle that I have permission to feel anything that God feels, and I also have permission to not feel anything He doesn't. So when I have fear or anxiety I picture the Lord, the laughter lines on His face from an eternity of being amused by the plans of the enemy (Psalm 2) and I remember if He's not worried, I don't have to be either. Fear, confusion, panic, being stuck, are all things he has no concept of, so I'm free to eliminate them from my reality, by just asking what He sees or experiences that replaces those things.
There are things I would like to erase that He does experience, though. Rejection. Grief. Suffering. All of these things He entered in to willingly for our sake, so now they can be my invitation to experience an understanding and new layer of His closeness and perfection that I couldn't have otherwise. So, writers block? I have to say, it's not something I'd ever consider the Living Word to have experienced.
While I was wrestling with this recently, I read this verse in 2 Samuel 22:25:
God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to His eyes.
What if God has a story - your life - that he's burning with love to rewrite? This is a God who literally rewrites history (read Genesis 18:12 where Sarah laughs in disbelief at the promise of a child, yet in Hebrews 11:11 her story is rewritten and her legacy recorded as a hero of faith).
What if you are a beautifully and intentionally crafted thought in the heart of God that He's longing to communicate and parade to those who need to see?
What if the "writers block" He experiences is not self-doubt or fragmented thinking but a closed book in our hearts?
Can I encourage you today as I say to my own heart, gently but directly, "Open up. Expose yourself to His eyes. Let Him rewrite the pages that make you want to keep this from being seen."
His rewriting not only gives perspective, it restores innocence. He redeems completely whatever we give Him access to, He just can't help Himself.
Today I chose to open my book again to the Author of Life, and in doing so we both walked out of our "writers block" experience.
Touching down in Auckland airport last week, my husband and I realised that not only did it feel like we were coming home, but also that we were away from home. Such a weird feeling, yet it gives a bit of insight into our world and where we find ourselves.
Two and a half years ago, we moved our family over the other side of the Pacific Ocean to Seattle, Washington. Had I known what would follow, would I have still said yes, or would I have run in the other direction?
Do you ever stop to consider where you’ve come from to get to where you are today?
There’s something beautiful about looking back, not to live in the past or to wish it were the good old days, but to see all that God has done.
I think about who I was before I said yes to stepping out into the unknown. I knew what trusting God meant, I mean, I had grown up knowing who Jesus was from a young age, attended a Christian school, been involved in various areas of leadership in church, but little did I know how much that trust would be tested.
I think about Ruth, in the Bible, when she found herself presented with the opportunity to follow her mother in law to a foreign land. She had just lost her husband, brother in law and father in law, and had to choose whether to go back to what she knew, or to step into an unknown path ahead of her.
Her response is recorded for us:
“but Ruth embraced her and held on…….Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge.”
As we journey in our walk with Jesus, we get presented with these intersections of decision: an opportunity to continue on with what we know and what is comfortable, or to pursue Jesus in the unknown.
There have been moments and days in the last 4 years, where I have wondered what the heck I’m doing, did we really make the right decision to leave everything we knew? So many things that when weighed up, could easily point to us going back to where we came from.
However, the more I say yes to Jesus and to following where He is leading me and our family, the more at peace I find myself. I believe God has written a story for each one of us, a story that invites us to trust Him with our lives, to trust that He knows us better than anyone else.
The beautiful part about Ruth’s story, is that you see God’s fingerprints all over it. In chapter 2 we read:
“So she set out and went and gleaned in the field after the reapers and she ‘happened’ to come to the
I love how it says, “she happened to come to the part of the field belonging to Boaz”. Boaz goes on to show her favour and ends up being her future husband. When we trust Jesus with our lives and we truly want to follow after ALL that he has for us, He shows up time and time again, in the places of our lack, to remind us, that it’s not about us, but that HE is all we need.
Ruth’s story concludes with her being married to Boaz, and to becoming the great grandmother of King David, being a woman included in the lineage of Jesus.
The beauty of being part of the story God has written for you is that it’s not just about you! Ruth’s journey ended up not only having a direct impact on Naomi, through provision and a whole new family, but her legacy became part of something so much bigger, pointing to the story of Jesus.
Where in the story do you find yourself? Have you let God in to write your story, or are you fighting to write your own? Are you at an intersection where God is inviting you to trust Him more in the unknown? What’s on the other side of saying yes to Jesus - who’s lives are yet to be impacted through your story?
He is the best author, and He knows you better than anyone else. He is so trustworthy.
I am blessed to have many women in my life that encourage and lift me up. One in particular - I call her Mama Pip - is my 'church mum' or 'spiritual mum'. She has played a pivotal role in my life, far more than she probably realises. One of her catchphrases is “Shine on you crazy diamond”. It was years ago that she centred one of her messages around this line and it has stuck with me ever since.
Now, the cool thing about diamonds is that they start as boring old carbon. It takes heat and pressure to turn them into the beautifully unique jewels we see in the store windows. The Nature journal gives this basic recipe to make a diamond:
1. Bury carbon dioxide 100 miles into Earth, billions of years ago.
2. Heat to about 2,200 degrees Fahrenheit.
3. Squeeze under pressure of 725,000 pounds per square inch.
4. Quickly rush towards Earth’s surface to cool.
Just like the diamond, we too are put through trials and pressures in life. And with God on our side, we can go through these challenges and come out the other side a beautiful, crazy, diamond.
James told the twelve tribes to:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
It’s easy to say “thank God for your trials” - it’s a whole other thing to actually live through them. Some days there is too much to handle, and it would be so much easier to stay in bed, pull the blankets over my head and pretend the world doesn’t exist.
Some days it’s the little things that matter the most. I have had seasons in my life where there were some big challenges that I had to face and to get through each day, I had to just find one small thing to be grateful for. It is a choice we have to make, to seek joy.
Hebrews 12:1-2 says:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
We have to choose to look to God; to look for His light in all things and at all times.
I used to attend a ladies life group where we would have “praise reports” at the start of our weekly meeting. Sometimes it would be an answer to a prayer request from the week before, but sometimes it would be something really random. For some of us, it would be the fact that we made it to life group! With three children and everything that goes along with that, it was a big deal for me to go out in the evening. It was a great encouragement to all of us, whether we were sharing or listening, to see how God had blessed us, even in the little things.
Can I encourage you, every day, to find at least one little thing to be grateful for. Whether it was the cup of coffee when you got up in the morning, enough fuel to get to where you wanted to go, sufficient food to feed your family, a smile from a friend, or perhaps the fact that at the end of the day you had a warm bed to get into.
Find a “spiritual mum” who can support and encourage you through your life. This could be a Pastor, a Small Group Leader, a Spiritual Director, a wise friend. Keep a diary. List the little things you are grateful for each day. In a few weeks, you will be amazed at all the things God has done for you!
Shine on you crazy diamonds and never stop looking for his light in the little things!
I recently admitted to myself that I struggle with perfectionism.
Peer into my life and you’ll realise it’s highly imperfect.
But I guess that isn’t the point.
Perfectionism is in the straining towards an ideal standard in your head – not the (highly mythical) achievement of that standard. I now believe that those wise people who’ve mastered ‘imperfectionism’ are the ones who’ve discovered that ‘good enough’ is much, much more liberating…
I think part of my struggle comes from the deeply embedded idea that if I succeed in doing everything just right, I’ll be acceptable and loved by everyone.
It’s irrational, but I think such striving simply reflects a desire we all have to prove our own worth, and to be loved for it.
You’d think that when I accepted just how much God loves me and has forgiven me I would’ve given up the need to prove myself. But it’s in my nature to keep trying to earn his favour – as if it was about me, and my ability to impress him – and others.
But this kind of thinking never ends well. It only leads us on a cycle of self-driven effort and striving that causes stress, disappointment, frustration, and more anxiety.
When I’m tempted to ‘strive’ rather than let God take over, I try and remind myself of the following truths...
Only God is truly perfect, and He alone can make me more like Him.
When we receive Christ into our life we receive his perfection – God accepts us as righteous because of what Christ has done for us. Knowing that it’s God that does the ‘perfecting’ takes so much pressure off! Once I remind myself he’s done it all, there is so much freedom….
True strength and power comes to us when we admit our weakness and our complete need for God.
Remembering that I’ll only succeed when I rely on God rather than my own reasoning and effort gives me a whole new perspective – whether it’s facing the challenge of finishing an important project at work, or resolving a conflict with a friend, or learning how to parent a special needs child. There is no perfect – only perfect reliance on a much-bigger God.
As 2 Corinthians 12:9 says:
I am loved
Knowing just how much I am loved and redeemed by the God of the universe helps dispel the fears and anxieties which keep the focus on me, and my achievements. God is love, and His love is constant and true regardless of what I do or don’t achieve – however perfectly or imperfectly.
I might be tempted to believe that creating the perfect dinner party meal, or getting an A-plus on that exam, or winning every netball game might make me worthwhile, valuable, loveable… But God says no – while these things are good, they are not what qualifies me for his love, or His acceptance. What qualifies us is the blood of Jesus, shed for us to take away our sin and redeem us from our old way of thinking; our previous way of life.
May we lean completely on the qualifications Christ has earnt for us by his blood, and start to do life in His strength rather than our own.
God, thank You for Your love, which makes me whole. Forgive me for trying to earn Your favour and the favour of others through my own efforts. Help me to accept that You’ve done the work of redeeming and sanctifying me…I don’t have to do it for myself. When I’m tempted to ‘strive’, give me the courage to let go and fall into your arms – my loving, all-sufficient Father, who has provided for me and will always be my strength in my weakness. Help me to “be anxious for nothing” but trust completely in Your will and purpose for my life and in the amazing power of the cross and resurrection of Jesus. In His name, Amen.
I've often thought of myself as someone who colours inside the lines. You know, a good girl who gets on with what's expected of her and keeps the rules. But the more I journey with God, the more I can see that I've learnt to colour outside the lines; to go against the grain and walk with Him by faith.
Isaiah 55 tells us that God's ways are not our ways - they often sit outside of our logic and reasoning and because of this, faith often calls us to a path that feels counter-intuitive.
Sometimes faith says pull back when we would think rush in
Sometimes faith says give when we would like to hold back
Sometimes faith says go when we would prefer to stay
This has been the pattern all throughout Scripture:
God asked Noah to build an ark when he'd never even seen rain
He sent Abraham on a journey to an undisclosed location - asking him to pack up all his belongings and leave everything he had ever known
He asked a destitute widow to share the last of her provisions when she had no means to replenish them
He sent the disciples out in pairs to do ministry and wouldn't allow them to take any provisions with them, asking them to rely on those they ministered to for sustenance
All things that fly in the face of conventional wisdom - that go against the grain of forming a plan, of making provision, of having a safety net. Yes, while faith isn't about being reckless, sometimes it will sure look that way!
In my own journey, I've come to realise that my ability to walk by faith - to be obedient to what God is asking of me - is tied to my priorities and my affections. Hebrews 11 tells us that the men and women we so often refer to as the 'heroes of faith' were able to live as they did because they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth (v. 13). The Passion Translations challenges me with this rendering:
For clearly those who live this way are longing for the appearing of a heavenly city. And if their hearts were still remembering what they left behind, they would have found an opportunity to go back. But they couldn't turn back for their hearts were fixed on what was far greater, that is, the heavenly realm.
These heroes of faith both endured and achieved much for the Kingdom of God because they had determined where their treasure lay. They had fixed their heart to His.
When this world and all of its comforts has more of a hold on my heart than He does, my capacity to embrace His wisdom and to walk in faith is diminished. When He is no longer enough for me, then I hesitate to walk in surrendered obedience and even my frail human logic seems safer than the path that He has set before me.
Yes, this life of faith requires on my part a constant checking of my heart and my pursuits.
Am I distracted by what is temporal instead of engaged with what is eternal?
Am I self-reliant or God-reliant?
Am I craving the approval of the world or anchored by His love?
The current landscape of my own life is both exhilarating and terrifying. And truthfully, I find myself having to continually determine and redetermine to walk by faith. It's not a one off decision but a day by day, sometimes moment by moment process of choosing to trust and obey. To keep my heart fixed to His.
But the last two years have reminded me afresh that not only are God's ways not our ways, they are higher.
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
And because they are higher than ours, we find rest and strength in them; provisions for the journey that He has sent us on. The path of faith might be uncomfortable, but because it is marked out by His presence we can expect to experience His comfort along the way.
However much sacrifice walking by faith invites, the rewards are far greater.
How is He inviting you to fix your heart to His today?
Curled over clutching my stomach in pain, I was all too aware of what I had been trying to avoid for well over a year - I was gluten intolerant. Gluten-based food was making me sick; yet I kept on eating it, living in denial hoping, maybe – this time - I’d be okay.
Here’s what I painfully discovered: ignoring a problem does not make it go away. Doing the exact same thing over and over changes nothing, in fact it usually makes matters worse. The stomach problems only increased after each glutinous intake causing me to cancel appointments and miss out on events.
During my most recent episode racked with pain and saying “Never again”, I really did decide – never again. The Holy Spirit had got through to this tough nut at last, telling me “If you do not face your problems, they will not go away, you need to make some life changes”
Of course, it wasn’t lost on me that this didn’t only apply to food, but also to the bad habits and sinful behaviour patterns I was struggling with. Talk about God having to take strong measures to get my attention!
I hadn’t wanted to admit I had issues with gluten, neither did I want to accept or cease the sin in my life. I was afraid to make life changes in case God did not come through for me. It seemed easier to just carry on as I was in my miserable condition.
My journey the last 5 years has been no glutinous cakewalk. I’ve physically and emotionally hurt, I’ve been disappointed, I’ve suffered losses and felt acute grief. I know I am in a pruning and character building season but I’ve been bucking against it all the way. Yet throughout Jesus has revealed to me by grace that He is the Good Shepherd watching over my life.
God has been taking things away that do me harm and the pain has been part of the process, revealing what is within me when the pressure is on. I can see He’s been setting me free step by step and am humbled like Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I cannot boast in myself at all. I’ve discovered what I thought was good in me, is not whatsoever; and that what is bad in me doesn’t stop God loving me either. All I know is that I’m more real than I’ve ever been, holding on with child-like faith.
2 years ago, I became dairy intolerant and I had another period of denial and pain before I accepted life changes needed to be made. The crux of the matter has been coming to terms with giving up what is not good for me – even though I still crave it. The desire to eat dairy and gluten don’t leave me, and neither do the habits of a life time want to go either. Oh, but the consequences – are they worth it? Think slowly about that one.
Now sometime into a gluten elimination diet I am already much better. I have recognised that to see change, I have to make some life changes.
I’ve learned that Jesus really is my Shepherd and He is looking after me - his sheep. (Sheep aren’t the smartest creatures around, getting themselves tangled up and off track). He knows me in my weakness yet He loves and pursues me unconditionally even in my biggest messes – especially even!
My Good Shepherd doesn’t just wrench this Sheep out of the barbed wire or bushes – no, He untangles me bit by bit. This is what He is doing in our own lives, that’s why it’s a process.
Sometimes it takes time to give things up. We may not be ready, or we may be unwilling, perhaps even facing other issues that cloud the main one. The journey may appear to be somewhat of a dog leg trek, but I can testify that God never gives up on us! And along the way reveals His true unconditional love which changes our lives.
What are you struggling with? What symptoms are you trying to ignore? Is the tolerance of sin still winning over the pain of obedience? The truth is that making good choices isn’t easy. Our flesh wants what is bad, our spirit cries out for God.
But if we want to see a different result, if we desire to be free, we need to accept that life changes are necessary. We can trust God, we can trust Jesus the Good Shepherd. God really does and will come through for us.
When my kids are fighting over something I sing 'Let It Go'. I get down on one knee and make a fool of myself, changing the mood and making them forget what they were fighting over in the first place.
I can often have an internal argument and end up singing the song to myself… which, if you were watching me, would be quite weird…
I can be quite particular. I like to do things in a certain way; I have my routine, and a method to carry out my tasks. But I struggle to keep going if my routine gets interrupted for some reason. There is a part of me that says, if you can't do it perfectly, you might as well give up now. It might sound odd, but it can be physically exhausting. And this is where the song comes in.
I have to shift my focus from whatever is blocking me to the simple truth: God doesn't ask for perfection, he asks for perseverance. John Bloom from desiringgod.org said:
Perfectionism is a pride- or fear-based compulsion that either fuels our obsessive fixation on doing something perfectly or paralyzes us from acting at all — both of which often result in the harmful neglect of other necessary or good things.
There are things in life that are beyond our control. Schedules, situations, and people are ever changing. And while I like my to do lists and love the feeling that comes when I can cross something off one of those lists, I've had to learn that when things beyond my control hinder me from being able to achieve my tasks, that I need to let go and let God. There is a prayer that I say often:
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
This is where I thought it finished. But I have recently discovered a second verse:
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Taking this world as it is, not as I would have it - we need to be faith-based, not fear-based, followers of Christ, accepting the things we cannot change and trusting God to make things right.
We are reminded of this in Proverbs 3:5:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
I love worship music. It soothes my heart and fixes my eyes on God. It Is Well With My Soul is a popular hymn and has been remade by many musicians, but the second verse of the original lyrics seems to connect with me:
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
Although Satan will continue to strike repeatedly, attempting to knock me off course, I can stand sure that my God loves me and gave His only son for me. (John 3:16)
Can I encourage you: whatever is holding you back or frustrating you, give it to God. Through praying, singing or writing. Let go of what is holding you to this world’s lies and grasp hold of His truths that you are loved and you are worthy. Let it be well with your soul.
Keep shining, you never know whose dark day you might be lighting up!
I've always known that my girls are chalk and cheese: one of them gravitates towards a schedule, liking to know not only what is happening, but exactly when it's happening. She thrives on order and clear expectations while the other is more free-spirited. With her creative temperament she doesn't like the how - or even the when - being dictated to her.
Our recent foray into homeschooling has brought these differences to the surface and I've struggled at times to figure out balancing their competing needs for freedom and discipline. But it's not only watching them that has had me contemplating this balance - as I've been adjusting to our new lifestyle and settling into our new community after our move, my own routines have been somewhat upset. Constantly surrounded by children with very little time to myself, I'm having to find a new normal and create new spaces and ways for staying connected to God.
The process of carving out new rhythms and routines has made me realise afresh that we all have this need for both freedom and discipline. And that rather than competing, they are actually complimentary threads that we need to learn to weave together; that we can't truly have freedom in our lives without discipline.
In my own journey, I've tended to swing like a pendulum towards one or the other, failing to allow them to work in sync. When life has felt out of control I've grasped on to discipline in an attempt to regain control; to help me feel like I'm doing and being enough. If life is reduced to lists and tasks that can be ticked off then I feel a sense of achievement and worth.
But such phases are short-lived simply because, well, life happens and I can't sustain the internal pressure that comes with having to constantly achieve my 'list' or the guilt that comes when I miss something on my list. So I throw off the yoke of discipline because, after all, the one whom the Son sets free is free indeed, meaning, I can do what I want, when I want. I don't need systems and structures and disciplines because I'm free; I'm covered by grace.
Again though, it doesn't take long before chaos ensues and the pendulum swings back to discipline and then back to what I think is freedom. This backwards to and fro movement stems from a false understanding of what it means to be free and of the heart and purpose of discipline.
My rebellion against discipline is often tied up in how I see it and in what is driving me towards it. When I associate discipline with punishment alone, then a fear of disappointing those that I love, of disappointing God, paralyses me and all I can hear are voices of condemnation. When I look to discipline because I am driven to perform, driven to prove what a 'good girl' I am, it becomes a relentless master that I cannot appease.
I have a very wise father, and he once said something that has always stayed with me, shifting how I viewed the subject of discipline. He said: We must steward our desires with discipline. Desire without discipline is fantasy.
What if I could see discipline as the vehicle through which I steward the desires that God has planted within me? What if instead of connecting it to fear and punishment, I saw it through the lens of love and grace?
Proverbs 3:12 tells us:
For the Father’s discipline comes only from his passionate love and pleasure for you. Even when it seems like his correction is harsh, it’s still better than any father on earth gives to his child.
God disciplines us, and encourages us to discipline our own lives, because His heart is to facilitate the freedom and the fullness that He created us for.
Because while we might think of freedom as licence, it is actually the power to choose well. And if we want to enter into all that God has for us, we will use our freedom to steward that desire with the appropriate disciplines.
People who accept discipline are on the pathway to life.
My own journey in recent months has reminded me that the absence of discipline was robbing me of freedom and fruitfulness and that I needed to make wiser choices.
Without disciplining myself to spend time in the Word I was being robbed of the power of its truth. My life and my heart couldn't be washed by its wisdom.
Without disciplining myself to be connected; to gather regularly with other believers I was being robbed of the power of what happens when two or more gather. I was robbed of their gifts in my life.
Without disciplining myself to pray and commune with God, I was being robbed of the power of intimacy. I was missing out not only on sharing my heart, but on hearing His.
I have felt the gentle and yet firm whisper of God inviting me to interweave my freedom with discipline, and as I have heeded His correction, I have been reminded why the puritans referred to spiritual disciplines as disciplines of grace. Disciplines, when they flow from our freedom to choose, instead of our efforts to prove ourselves, create times and spaces for us to experience the grace of God in our lives.
So I'm learning (yet again) to slow the pendulum down; to allow freedom and discipline to come together to shape my life.
What desires is God inviting you to steward with discipline in this season?
Is it just me, or do you find that your mind easily wanders?
A perfect example, was when I sat down to start writing this, only to remember I needed to send out some text messages before the day was done, and half an hour later, I now begin….
More seriously though, how easily does not only our mind wander in the moment, but the more life I live, I realise how powerful my thought life is, and how easy it can be for my thoughts to wander off course.
There are a lot of places our thoughts can go, and one of my many go to’s can be that of “worry”. It could be as simple as worrying about a trip to the dentist, or as complex as worrying about a diagnosis you’ve been given. It could be worry about how a relational issue is going to be solved, or worrying about how you are going to meet your bills this month.
I don’t know about you, but in this fast-paced life we live, with opportunity to be bombarded at any moment with news of another traumatic incident, I need some good tools under my belt to know how to deal with worry. One of my favourite passages of Scripture is found in Philippians:
Don’t be pulled in different directions or worried about a thing. Be saturated in prayer throughout each day, offering your faith-filled requests before God with overflowing gratitude. Tell him every detail of your life, then God’s wonderful peace that transcends human understanding, will make the answers known to you through Jesus Christ.
Could it really be that simple? Is it even possible? I mean, Paul tells us not to worry about ANYTHING….
So if he is serious about this, how can I put this into practice in my everyday life; when I am overwhelmed and can’t see a way out?
For me, in this season of my life, as a Mum (or Mom now that I’m living in America), as a wife, as a volunteer pastor alongside my husband, my go to worry can be, “Am I doing enough?” If I let my thoughts go down that path long enough, I find myself in a place of discontent, and a little bit paralysed if I’m honest. It can at times, feel like, where do I even begin? Who needs my time?
I am so grateful for a God who meets me in my mess, and reminds me, that He is with me. This passage in Philippians gives me confidence that I don’t have to tackle my situations alone, or worry my way down a path that leads me nowhere good. He invites me to “Tell him every detail of my life”. I think we can get good at giving people the glossy version of how we’re doing and sometimes that can roll over into our relationship with God. Can I remind you, and myself (haha), that God is not afraid of your emotions, or your disappointments, or your lack of faith in the moment. He instead invites us to lay it out with vulnerability before Him, nothing left unsaid… and He makes this incredible promise in return:
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
The “peace of God” is available to each one of us, and it is something that no earthly thing can replicate. It literally is a peace that “transcends human understanding”.
2 Thessalonians 3:16 says,
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.
What if we I took God at His word, and trusted that not only is He with us, but that we can experience this “peace”, no matter where we find ourselves? If we believed that there really is no place that His peace can’t find us?
What are you going through today that you need the peace of God to invade?
My prayer for you is that you would allow God into those spaces and places of your life, those worries that feel so overwhelming, and let His peace meet you right where you are at. He doesn’t promise to always change what we are walking through, but He does promise His peace in the middle of it, and when we discover that peace, our thoughts are refocused in the light of who our God is.
There’s a long and layered backstory to this blog (which I may put into a book someday) but for now I'm going to summarize the relevant information in 3 points:
1. I really want to have children and be at home with them (at least while they are little)
2. God has made it extremely clear in a number of ways that he wants my husband and I to build a house
3. 1 & 2 are not compatible with our current financial situation (in order to service the mortgage we both need to be working)
About a month or so ago, we had a number of “out-of -our-control” situations that meant the cost of our build almost doubled (keeping in mind point # 3 was a thing before this happened).
Now, I’ve never really been a fearful person. I’ve been graced with childlike faith and carefree hope, but the moment I saw that number something flipped inside me and all I felt was trapped and powerless and ashamed.
I began to do mental math – what sort and how many promotions I would need; calculating what I could earn from doing extra jobs or hours or what I could possibly do to make this work. I spent the afternoon swirling around in a frenzy of anxiety and numbers that I knew would never add up. I was so caught up in this spiral it was hard to hear His voice, so when I got home I returned to the original promise we had been given, to reassure myself that God had called us into this process and would not abandon us halfway through.
A song of the stairway, by King Solomon
When I was first given this Psalm, I was understandably captured by the parts about children and houses. But this day, the moment I heard His voice again was in verse two. My one and only question was “How am I going to pay for this house?” and His answer came gentle and firm.. “Get an early night.”
So I did. I went to bed before 8pm and had the holiest sleep of my life. When I woke up, not a single thing had changed about my 3 realities listed at the start, but I just understood on a deep and unshakeable level that striving is senseless and His gifts are good. And that some of His best work happens, not necessarily when I do nothing, but more when I lay my head down in confidence that he's providing and doing His best work while I'm at my most vulnerable.
Bill Johnson says, "You only have authority over storms that you can sleep in." (Matthew 8:23-27) I am convinced that once God has given a promise, there is nothing the enemy can say or do to stop that promise eventuating. The only thing that is up for debate is your rest, peace and joy in the process. Your rest, peace and joy are yours. Don’t sacrifice them, don’t squander your beautiful inheritance as those things are yours right now and can be with you on every journey and in every storm as you walk toward the future He has declared for you.
I’m beginning to learn that sleep is a prophetic demonstration of trust and rest, and is one of His most precious gifts to us. He provides sleep to His beloved, AND provides for His beloved even while they sleep!
Since that night, I’ve had a growing awareness of just how much sleep is contested in so many people’s lives, and the impact that it has. With that growing awareness has come an increased authority to see this precious gift restored. To my tired, exhausted or weary friend: If you’re reading this, regardless of the reason, I release grace over you right now and declare that the contest over your sleep has ended and the winner is Jesus. It’s always Him. He’s never lost a battle. Tonight, is the beginning of you sleeping soundly, and waking up refreshed, regardless of the number of hours you got. He can do a lot with a little, you know.
As for the house, we have had at so many instances where the impossible has become possible including one where we needed $50,000 in one week and 7 days later it was covered (through about 5 different creative and random miracles). I’m embracing this season for the extravagant demonstration of Love that it really is, and pondering these things in my heart until a day where I have the full and powerful story to tell. And until that time, I’ll be over here with more than enough peace and joy for the journey.
P.S. I’d love if you would get in touch with your stories of sleep provision in your current situation, or your stories of provision while you sleep!
One of my favourite pass-times as a kid was writing. I used to make my own books and write poetry on our old type-writer. Thankfully both my writing and technology have come a long way!
It is my prayer that these posts from the blogging team encourage you to embrace the season that you are in and to live it with purpose for God's glory.
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