I had a conversation recently that left me unsettled - not because of anything that was said, but because of what was unsaid. What was hiding, tucked away in the recesses of my heart. You see, even though the conversation on the surface was innocent, my motives were mixed.
I was hiding disappointment
I was nursing hurt
I was wanting to fix something for someone that was not my thing to fix
And all these emotions that were swirling beneath the surface of this conversation changed the spirit of the conversation. And it left me heavy.
As I wrestled with the heaviness that I felt, I was reminded of David's words in Psalm 51 - that God desires truth in our innermost being. Psalm 51 was written after David had been confronted about his sin with Bathsheba by the prophet Nathan - it is the acknowledgment of his wrongdoing and his cry of repentance; it is his request for mercy and restoration. But this statement that God wants us to be truthful from within, is not just about embracing our own truth - it is not solely about being honest about where we are at, what we are wrestling with; what we've done and what our motives are. It's also about embracing God's truth in our broken and hidden places so that we can experience true freedom from the heaviness of sin.
The Passion Translation phrases it this way:
I know that You delight to set Your truth deep in my spirit. So come into the hidden places of my heart and teach me wisdom.
Two days after that conversation, as I stood washing my dishes and staring out the window, I whispered what I had really wanted to say. And as I did, I heard Him whisper back, "I know. And trust me, I've got this." His presence in that moment of baring my soul was tangible and with it came comfort and strength.
You see the heaviness had entered not so much because I was hurt and disappointed, but because I had lost sight of His truth in the situation. Despair had entered as I partnered with a lie, but hope returned when I let Him speak truth; when I invited Him to teach me wisdom.
We are invited to live a life of freedom, a life anchored by hope - but it starts with the willingness to be honest with God and with ourselves. It starts with the willingness to examine our lives and be teachable. It starts with letting Him know our hearts.
The examined life requires us to embrace vulnerability. To stop trying to have all the answers - to have it all together - and to acknowledge our weaknesses, our failings, our pain. David could do this because He trusted not only the heart of God towards him, but also His power to restore. He declared with the utmost confidence:
Cleanse me...and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
David was utterly convinced that God could deal with his sin completely. And we must be too, because there is no sin, no pain, no disappointment - nothing about our human condition - that God's Spirit, God's truth cannot reach into if we will allow Him to.
In the past, fear has kept me from being truly honest with God. But time and time again He has shown me that His heart is not to expose me but to heal me. There is no condemnation in His searching gaze, only love.
What truth do you need to hear in your innermost being today?
Let Him speak His wisdom into the hidden places of your heart.
Live today with purpose,
One of my favourite pass-times as a kid was writing. I used to make my own books and write poetry on our old type-writer. Thankfully both my writing and technology have come a long way!
It is my prayer that these posts from the blogging team encourage you to embrace the season that you are in and to live it with purpose for God's glory.
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